on last night...

im not sure if this against the rules or anything.
two posts in one night..
is it allowed?
considering im new to this whole blogging busines..
but i just have a few more things to say..
if you dont mind..

ok soooo...

there has got to be something more to this
than the things that you are saying
and i cant shake the feeling
that you are afraid of me
but not of me. exactly.
but maybe of the thought of you
not being untouchable
of all the defenses you have always assumed in place,
of all those falling away.
because then what.
you would just be a regular person.
you wouldn't recognize yourself.
then, what excuse would you have for you anymore?
but i guess that i will believe you.
but only 500 more times.
that's my limit.
i will believe you when you say
that there are things you just don't need.
not even from me.
or just, especially not from me.
even though your laugh
says that isn't true.
but something was key last night
in one word that you said
to me specifically
and i wonder...
if i would trade the sound of your voice
to hold your hand
and i wonder what it would be like
to fall asleep underneath you
knowing that you will cast me far away
as soon as the next day
i imagine that i would sneak out
and just try to delay what i know as the cycle of you...

one step forward. three steps back.

and sometimes i think that i am jealous of her. because she gets to stay up late with you. maybe her head on your shoulder or something. maybe looking at far away lights. but then i think that maybe somehow there is something big i am missing here.


something like,
maybe i am just flattering.
just something someone like you needs
to make their life seem more important.
and maybe you are just another goal for me.
just something someone like me needs
to make my life seem like it is headed in some type of direction.


so anyways.


i think it doesn't matter.
not today.
or anytime, i guess.
soon you will be holding a real person in your hands as i am just thinking about this ghost.
i guess. kind of haunting me.


but i just thought of an amazing song..... goes "she lies and says she's in love with him, she dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man."


i've never danced to that song before.. :)