ihaveloved..

when you love someone
you never want to see them hurt
especially by way of your own words
and never by way of your own hands
you wish them personal success
whether it be through you or not
whether it be with you or not
you hope them not to fail
even if they made a mistake with your heart,
you cheer when they sell their first painting
you cut out an article written by them
or about them
you tell your friends of their talents
and you introduce their work to the world
because it is deserved
because you loved someone talented and great
you cannot wish them failure
and most of all
you are proud, and you hope that somehow your presence in their lives made them a stronger woman.. or a greter man.

when you love someone
even when you no longer can live together
or peacefully stay committed to each other,
you wish them love
someone to hold their side at night
someone to spend Christmas with
someone to cry to
you hope their marriage succeeds,
and they are happy.
you smile when you see their babies.
as they share the smile you once lived to see
you never wish them heartbreak.
and most of all
you know that through the love and failure of what you two shared,
you have hopefully made this woman a more patient and caring lover and mother and wife

or you have made this man a better lover and husband and father.

this is what I know of love
that it lasts well beyond our days together...
that it is enduring
and unselfish
and kind

so
I can say that I have loved.
and continue to love
and that i will remind myself that this is what love is.

even on mornings like this.

lovemylife.

i finally am starting to feel like im living up to what God has given me...

the gift of dance..

the freedom to move..

an artform that speaks so many words..

and its such a powerful thing.

im not just a dancer anymore..

im an artist...

..creating beautiful things

and ill keep on inspiring and being inspired..until the day the Lord decides to pick me up and bring me home.

its the only thing thats real..

theonlything.

dance is the one thing in this world that will never judge me or look down on me..

or make me feel like what im doing is not enough..

and its good to have that constant

that thing that will ALWAYS be there no matter what.

i dance for me..

i dance to live.

to survive..

in this crazy messed up world..

its always there

and i can go to bed happy tonight knowing ill always have something to count on and look forward to..

i know it will never leave me :)

inspire and beinspired.

its all coming back to meeee noww.. you kno the celine version

hi there.
i've been a little out of touch
with everyone. including myself.
trying to figure me out.
trying to keep on
keeping on.
even though i don't know what i'm doing.
at all.
but it seems to be
that all you have to do
is keep on moving
and things fall in to place.
one day you can be something.
the next day, quite another thing.
and you just go ahead
and examine...
your head.
your hands.
your heart.
until you recognize the constant things.
even as the world is changing,
even as you move faster and faster
so fast that you don't see your own feet...
you realize that there are certain things that will always be.
certain consistencies.
in bits and pieces.
the natural
comfortable
and uncomfortable things
that make me..... me.

so, that's just what i've been doing lately....

just noticing.

i need more than funkyyyy stuff.

they'll never take the good years

passion only takes you so far. and then, the more you love something... the more your world depends on that thing. it becomes your everything. and so.... failures are magnified.. and they become so big that they take you over. and successes aren';t even recognized anymore because so much is expected. and at some point, you just cant keep up anymore. so then you go to bed with a tylenol pm.

rambling. i gotta stop that sometimes. 

hey i have a follower.. 

thats promising. 

and i know love when i feel it.

well thats promising..

so blah blah blah


there comes a time
u kno
when you ahve to choose
and sometimes what you thinks right

(usually isnt)

but still you choose to go that path
and theres really no turning back

so whats lefft
you wonder?

is what you've done enough
or jsut enough to get by.

and you start to second guess
yourself
kind of..

maybe you should have held that hand
a little longer..
or
not have eaten that last cookie from the cookie jar.

but indeed you did
and theres really nothing you can do about it

so you jsut sit
and wait
watch
hope
imagine
but wait mostly..

and you start to realize
this is it..
and you get a little happier

jsut knowing
u know.


ok that all.